Is God Good?

It has been a while since my last entry.  Too long, actually.  It’s not that there haven’t been things on my mind, that the simple word “blog” has not made a frequent appearance on my weekly to-do list only to get pushed off to the next. Because it has, often.  

It seems instead, that life has been happening at a pace that feels fuzzy with the dawn of each new day.  I often feel tired, disillusioned, and off.  Writing seems like the last thing I want to attempt on those days of feeling a bit on the empty side. Keeping my thoughts swirling around inside feels more controlled and comfortable.   

At one point over the past winter months, in between sick kids and a frozen world outside my door, I came across a quote in a book that undid me. It simply asked:

Is God good?

Is God good to me?

Do I trust God to be God?

I read it again, slowly this time, and as I did I felt a mix of emotions.  I knew it was truth but everything in me wanted to turn from it in the face of circumstances.  With shaky hands I underlined it, then rewrote it in my journal, and eventually it found it’s way to my kitchen chalk board unaware of how often it’s presence would be needed over the next few months.

When I am on my hands and knees, scrubbing the carpet in the wake of a sick kid wondering who the next victim will be….. Is God good?  Is God good to me?  Do I trust God to be God?

When a much needed weekend away with my husband is canceled and the disappointment and discouragement sets in….. Is God good?  Is God good to me?  Do I trust God to be God?

When I feel lonely, less than, and left out…. Is God good?  Is God good to me?  Do I trust God to be God?

When my child is in the midst of a medical emergency on the surgery standby list wheezing with every breath he takes….. Is God good?  Is God good to me?  Do I trust God to be God?

When I feel a lack of purpose and stuck in the day to day tasks…. Is God good?  Is God good to me?  Do I trust God to be God?

When my child wakes up sick hours before our nonrefundable flight is set to depart….. Is God good?  Is God good to me?  Do I trust God to be God?

When I feel unsettled about a missions opportunity in a third world country but still feel called to go…… Is God good?  Is God good to me?  Do I trust God to be God?

When the starter goes out on our reliable vehicle which begins the domino effect of repairs…. Is God good?  Is God good to me?  Do I trust God to be God?  

When I hear about the brokenness in the World and see images of the vulnerable experiencing unimaginable pain and suffering….. Is God good?  Is God good to me?  Do I trust God to be God?

There were moments this winter when every ounce of my being wanted to scream in the face of these questions "NO! God is NOT good, and certainly not to ME! How can you ask me to TRUST you God!?"

But as much as I wanted to scream those words at times with the world giving me permission to do so, I couldn't bring myself to. I couldn't because I remember. This thing of remembering stops those initial cries from penetrating my heart.

I remember the countless times He has been faithful. I remember that even in the hard things, He has always been good to me. I remember that I can trust God to be God in my life.  I remember He has never failed me. I remember He never will. Simply put, I remember His goodness and when I do that, I am able to say with all the more confidence:

God is good.

God is good to me.

I trust God to be God.

“I wonder if all the bad brokeness in the world begins with the act of forgetting, forgetting God is enough, forgetting what He gives is good enough, forgetting there’s always more than enough.”  -Ann Voskamp