Cancer Post #4- A NOT So Hairy Christmas

December 20, 2023

Cancer Post #4- A NOT So Hairy Christmas

You will have to excuse the ‘Dad Joke’ that I used as the title because this topic is truly the opposite of funny. It’s embarrassing, deeply sad, and has rocked my world far more than I expected it would or could. I know many of you have been wondering if I lost my hair while on chemo but have been unsure how to ask. Here is the short answer: YES.

After learning what drug I would be on, I was told there was no hope I would keep my hair and that it would likely begin to fall out a few weeks after the first treatment . The Doctor told me some of the signs to watch for and like clockwork, it began to happen about 2 weeks in. I couldn’t bear the thought of what it would be like to lose it in chunks so I took matters into my own hands and decided to salvage what I could to make hair extensions with my own hair. It was a small act of rebellion and a way to hold onto a piece of myself.

With the help of my daughter who is an aspiring hairstylist, and my husband to supervise her efforts, I gave myself one last look in the mirror and handed her the scissors. She cut what she could for the extensions, and then had some fun attempting a crazy haircut. She made a very heavy experience a bit lighter and for that I am thankful. The next day I went in and had the rest taken care of.

I have not had hair for 3 months now and have not worked up the courage to look at myself in the mirror without something covering my head. I do not plan to until my hair has grown back. It is an image I truly do not need to carry with me. I have never had hair shorter than my shoulders and have never wanted anything but long hair. Until it is back, I do not think I will truly feel like myself. Unfortunately, that takes far longer than I assumed it would. If I am doing the math correctly, my hair might be back to “me” again by 2026. That seems like an eternity away right now and a constant reminder of cancer. Great. Fast forward these 3 months and I have somehow collected more wigs than anyone short of a Halloween fanatic would want. I hate them all. They itch, they are hot, they look fake, they aren’t the right color, the right length, the right texture, you name it. Nothing I have I like and that makes the thought of going out or being around anyone not overly appealing. I am tempted to crawl into a hole until summer and not come out. You may be thinking that I am being a bit dramatic about the whole thing, I mean, what price is your hair to pay for your life really? That may be but in this cultural moment, hair for a female is a huge part of identity and feminine beauty. Just think for a moment about how they shave your head in the military to take your identity away or back to WWII as a way to dehumanize someone. There is something in a person that breaks. Plus, in the case of cancer, it defines you as “sick” and pity follows you wherever you go. The cancer may be gone, but the constant reminder remains.

So this Christmas, I am not feeling very Hairy….I mean, Merry as I piece together the better of the bad options in terms of hair. If you do see me sometime in the next handful of months, it’s dealer choice on what I will look like. Please be prepared to do a double take right along with me.

And now for some random hairy side notes……

* I DID manage to keep most of my eyebrows and eyelashes which I am so thankful for. I used a product called Liposourcils Expert and prayed a quick prayer every time I applied it asking God to allow me to keep them.

* I plan to get hair extensions early this summer by ChemoGirl in the Twin Cities, MN. This will allow my hair to grow out under the extensions so I can have instant long hair again. I am grateful for this and we look forward to seeing a few of our Eau Claire friends along the way.

* Most of my wigs were donated by organizations which was fantastic because MAN, wigs are expensive!!! Thanks to anyone who helped me out in this area. I appreciate you!