Roles
I am a "Stay- at- Home- Mom."
Before that I was a "Stay at Home Wife."
And before that I worked an 8am to 5pm, Monday through Friday job complete with salary pay, great insurance, and a signing bonus. (which I left to stay at home-insert gasp here!)
Let me back up to the stay at home wife part because lets be honest, that's where most people raise an eyebrow. What's a stay at home wife and why would she exist in the midst of higher education, feminism, and the ever present illusion of keeping up with the Jones's? Although few are bold enough to ask those questions outright, they are whispered and hidden behind sarcastic comments.
For me, the decision to leave my job and stay at home was not made in haste - months upon months of deliberation, calculation, and counsel went into it and in the end walking away was the right choice for our family. As a newlywed I quickly realized my hearts desire was to be a wife. I wanted to "set up" a comfortable home, to learn to cook and bake, and to keep up with household tasks which seemed like I was constantly chasing from behind. Not only that but I craved time to grow- to read- to pray- to develop deep friendships- and to volunteer. I was constantly tired, my thoughts always preoccupied, and after a while my husband began to say things to me like "I just want a happy wife." That's when we paused to reevaluate.
With the support of my amazing husband I walked away from it all....the second income, the health insurance, and the title. My goal during this season of extra time was to invest it wisely because I realized it was sacred. I wanted to learn how to become the type of wife and person I aspired to someday be, to be generous with my time and ability (volunteer) and to invest in relationships. Little by little I began to feel filled and whole again. Being a stay at home wife is totally counter cultural and may require financial sacrifice but for me it was an amazingly sweet and crucial season. God used much of what I learned during that time to prepare me for the next crazy adventure He was about to non traditionally lead us into. (adoption)
Being a stay at home Mom has been surprising and by surprising I mean surprisingly challenging. There are so many sweet moments that happen in a day but they are just that, moments. Here and then gone and if I am not careful they can get so easily lost in all the hustle and bustle of keeping the household afloat.
My typical day at home with my kids can be summed up in 2 words, constant need. Someone always seems to be crying, or fighting, or screaming, or needing a toy car untangled from their hair, or breaking something, or singing at the top of their lungs (there is no quiet with 3 kids). Sometimes I go for days without make up....or washing my hair...or even changing out of comfy clothes. Which in retrospect, is convenient because most days nothing sounds more appealing than falling into bed once my kids are all tucked in. Staying at home can also run the risk of being incredibly isolating despite the fact you are never (and I mean never) alone. Figure that one out. I know I am in the midst of a sacred season though and I can only hope that I take those moments during the day to stop and marvel in it.
There's nothing to say that I will always stay at home or won't allow two of these roles to overlap as time goes on. It also doesn't make me "less" or "more" of a woman by choosing a certain role. Some of my closest friends who I love and respect deeply are working Mom's while others stay at home. When we let emotions (especially guilt) get the better of us it's easy to conclude there is a right and wrong way and begin pointing fingers. (usually fueled by jealousy). Instead, what would it look like to respond to other woman with a thankful spirit for the God given uniqueness, ability, calling, and passion that each posses?
Before that I was a "Stay at Home Wife."
And before that I worked an 8am to 5pm, Monday through Friday job complete with salary pay, great insurance, and a signing bonus. (which I left to stay at home-insert gasp here!)
Let me back up to the stay at home wife part because lets be honest, that's where most people raise an eyebrow. What's a stay at home wife and why would she exist in the midst of higher education, feminism, and the ever present illusion of keeping up with the Jones's? Although few are bold enough to ask those questions outright, they are whispered and hidden behind sarcastic comments.
For me, the decision to leave my job and stay at home was not made in haste - months upon months of deliberation, calculation, and counsel went into it and in the end walking away was the right choice for our family. As a newlywed I quickly realized my hearts desire was to be a wife. I wanted to "set up" a comfortable home, to learn to cook and bake, and to keep up with household tasks which seemed like I was constantly chasing from behind. Not only that but I craved time to grow- to read- to pray- to develop deep friendships- and to volunteer. I was constantly tired, my thoughts always preoccupied, and after a while my husband began to say things to me like "I just want a happy wife." That's when we paused to reevaluate.
With the support of my amazing husband I walked away from it all....the second income, the health insurance, and the title. My goal during this season of extra time was to invest it wisely because I realized it was sacred. I wanted to learn how to become the type of wife and person I aspired to someday be, to be generous with my time and ability (volunteer) and to invest in relationships. Little by little I began to feel filled and whole again. Being a stay at home wife is totally counter cultural and may require financial sacrifice but for me it was an amazingly sweet and crucial season. God used much of what I learned during that time to prepare me for the next crazy adventure He was about to non traditionally lead us into. (adoption)
Being a stay at home Mom has been surprising and by surprising I mean surprisingly challenging. There are so many sweet moments that happen in a day but they are just that, moments. Here and then gone and if I am not careful they can get so easily lost in all the hustle and bustle of keeping the household afloat.
My typical day at home with my kids can be summed up in 2 words, constant need. Someone always seems to be crying, or fighting, or screaming, or needing a toy car untangled from their hair, or breaking something, or singing at the top of their lungs (there is no quiet with 3 kids). Sometimes I go for days without make up....or washing my hair...or even changing out of comfy clothes. Which in retrospect, is convenient because most days nothing sounds more appealing than falling into bed once my kids are all tucked in. Staying at home can also run the risk of being incredibly isolating despite the fact you are never (and I mean never) alone. Figure that one out. I know I am in the midst of a sacred season though and I can only hope that I take those moments during the day to stop and marvel in it.
There's nothing to say that I will always stay at home or won't allow two of these roles to overlap as time goes on. It also doesn't make me "less" or "more" of a woman by choosing a certain role. Some of my closest friends who I love and respect deeply are working Mom's while others stay at home. When we let emotions (especially guilt) get the better of us it's easy to conclude there is a right and wrong way and begin pointing fingers. (usually fueled by jealousy). Instead, what would it look like to respond to other woman with a thankful spirit for the God given uniqueness, ability, calling, and passion that each posses?
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