Messy Trust
I have been a little quiet on here over the past month or so and for good reason. As my 5 year old daughter recently stated boldly and with a sigh, "Our house if full of sickness, the bad germs are winning again!"
Old man winter, what a season you can be. I don't so much mind the way in which you can drop the temperature to a place where my snot instantly freezes in my nose, or bury us in a layer of snow and darkness that confines us to our home. I choose to live here, I know its coming, I can deal with the it. No, it's that subtle silent awful THING that is gently sprinkled and multiplies until it preys upon my children who just so happen to be little petri dishes, as my sister in law so beautifully stated recently.
"Bad germs", how I loathe you.
When I became a parent I envisioned butterfly nets and endless giggles while running through a sunlit field of wildflowers. Well, kinda. I did not however, give much thought to the fact that the simple uttering of a word would soon have the power to send me into a wide eyed panic as I gather my chicks under my wing and brace for the worst.
Vomit. Throw Up. Puke. Stomach bug. My stomach churns at those very words. Its true, you only have to be human to tremble at the thought. However, the added bonus of parenting includes a frantic google search on how to clean vomit out of your carpet, endless loads of laundry, and dread-filled anticipation that can last for days or if you are really unlucky, weeks as you watch it take out one family member at a time. I have been known to loose more weight pre stomach bug while in great anticipation of the unknown than the actual dreaded 12 hours of misery and all it produces.
These past few winters have taught me I have much more to learn about myself, life, and how I respond. My default is fear, control, panic, anxiety, worry, and for what good is that to myself or anyone really?
Some things in life you can't control. Some things you can't run from (or disinfect your way out of). Some things are hard and just plain messy. Sometimes you have to allow life to simply happen.
I am realizing I often don't allow life to simply happen. I fight it and if I can't control it, I throw a fit and live beyond the moment. I get so wrapped up in it all I miss the good among the difficult. I came across this quote by Rainer Maria Rilke this week and it landed perfectly on my heart.
"Why do you want to exclude any disturbance, any pain, any melancholy from your life, since you do not know what these conditions are working upon you? Why do you want to plague yourself with the question where it has all come from and whither it is tending? Since you know that you are in a state of transition and would wish nothing so dearly as to transform yourself."
God doesn't promise me a painless, puke free life. I am in a constant state of transition, of becoming.
I can choose worry, fear, and control and become a worry filled, anxiety ridden, wide eyed person trying to control the uncontrollable. OR I can rest in Him. Trusting that He is in the process of transforming me, even in the small, messy, difficult things life brings. Even when I feel like the progress is slow or a no-go, simply rest.
"Take that bad germs!"
Old man winter, what a season you can be. I don't so much mind the way in which you can drop the temperature to a place where my snot instantly freezes in my nose, or bury us in a layer of snow and darkness that confines us to our home. I choose to live here, I know its coming, I can deal with the it. No, it's that subtle silent awful THING that is gently sprinkled and multiplies until it preys upon my children who just so happen to be little petri dishes, as my sister in law so beautifully stated recently.
"Bad germs", how I loathe you.
When I became a parent I envisioned butterfly nets and endless giggles while running through a sunlit field of wildflowers. Well, kinda. I did not however, give much thought to the fact that the simple uttering of a word would soon have the power to send me into a wide eyed panic as I gather my chicks under my wing and brace for the worst.
Vomit. Throw Up. Puke. Stomach bug. My stomach churns at those very words. Its true, you only have to be human to tremble at the thought. However, the added bonus of parenting includes a frantic google search on how to clean vomit out of your carpet, endless loads of laundry, and dread-filled anticipation that can last for days or if you are really unlucky, weeks as you watch it take out one family member at a time. I have been known to loose more weight pre stomach bug while in great anticipation of the unknown than the actual dreaded 12 hours of misery and all it produces.
These past few winters have taught me I have much more to learn about myself, life, and how I respond. My default is fear, control, panic, anxiety, worry, and for what good is that to myself or anyone really?
Some things in life you can't control. Some things you can't run from (or disinfect your way out of). Some things are hard and just plain messy. Sometimes you have to allow life to simply happen.
I am realizing I often don't allow life to simply happen. I fight it and if I can't control it, I throw a fit and live beyond the moment. I get so wrapped up in it all I miss the good among the difficult. I came across this quote by Rainer Maria Rilke this week and it landed perfectly on my heart.
"Why do you want to exclude any disturbance, any pain, any melancholy from your life, since you do not know what these conditions are working upon you? Why do you want to plague yourself with the question where it has all come from and whither it is tending? Since you know that you are in a state of transition and would wish nothing so dearly as to transform yourself."
God doesn't promise me a painless, puke free life. I am in a constant state of transition, of becoming.
I can choose worry, fear, and control and become a worry filled, anxiety ridden, wide eyed person trying to control the uncontrollable. OR I can rest in Him. Trusting that He is in the process of transforming me, even in the small, messy, difficult things life brings. Even when I feel like the progress is slow or a no-go, simply rest.
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| This it the picture your husband will text you while he is sitting with the sick child while you run to the grocery store. |
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