Broken Eggs and Expectations

The time is 7:31 PM on a beautiful summer evening.  I can still see rays of sunlight shining through the branches of our backyard trees as the delicious smell of charcoal and grilled meat mix and linger in the air.   

Summer nights like tonight are meant to be filled with bubbles and bike rides and walks to the park. They are meant to end in  sticky ice cream cones, a much needed bath, and goodnight giggles and kisses as the sun sets and the world stills.  

As much as I wish I could tell you I just described our families evening, I can’t.  Why?  My kids are already in bed, perhaps wasting a perfectly decent summer's night and tonight it’s more for my sake than theirs.  Hello mid- summer.  The honeymoon stage has officially ended.  

It’s funny, at the beginning of the summer I had a post written and ready to share stating my plan to enjoy the small things this summer, savoring every moment as I am constantly reminded I should.  I had fantastic intentions, really I did, but I am honestly glad I didn’t post it.  Summer hasn’t entirely gone according to planned and it has thrown me off more than I wished it would.  

We began our summer, weekend number one, in a nasty motel where we suspect one of our girls picked up one of my top 10 Mommy fears,  head lice.  The really fun part was not realizing we had these little visitors living among us until a few weeks later.  At that point it had turned into a full blown invasion on multiple heads.  Unfortunately, we were 24 hours into a  much anticipated 5 day visit with my family which resulted in us turning around and coming home.  We spent our fourth of July weekend treating and picking through heads followed by constant loads of laundry for what felt like an endless amount of days.  I am not the crying type but there were tears.  

We also had a few planned trips fall through, one a week long family resort vacation in beautiful Door Country and the other a 14 day trip to Africa, that one, a missions trip without kids, but still.  We had planned our entire summer calendar around it. While I can’t say I was devastated about the Africa trip as a result of a few fears I had tied up with the whole thing, Door County was a huge disappointment.  Again, not a crier but I cried (and swore). Looking back, I did learn a few things about myself throughout the process though.

Number One:  During the season of life of day in and day out with the kids, I find myself living for the “next” adventure of whatever kind. Really, anything that doesn't involve cooking, cleaning, or laundry. Most of the time that means leaving our house which usually means a "trip" of some sort. I often look so forward to this break in the routine it becomes my light at the end of the tunnel. I can spend hours dreaming, planning, and researching every. single. detail. until it almost becomes an obsession. My husband likes to refer to it as “having all my eggs in one basket.”  

Number Two:  Having all my eggs in one basket is a really bad idea.  It's all good until that basket drops (and it will for one reason or another sometimes) and well, you get the picture.  This is where the dramatic unreasonable side comes out.  I mean come on, all of my eggs were in that stinkin' basket!

Number Three:  I should probably try to spread out my eggs.  Besides the fact that putting all my hopes, effort, and happiness into one thing is what we Christians like to refer to as a “modern day idol”,  it’s also a guaranteed let down to build such high expectations around a single thing. Even if my plans do go off as hoped there is always a hitch (a whiny kid, a detour along the way, or heaven forbid, I order the wrong thing at a restaurant.)  As much as I love a good adventure or the thought of endless perfect summer nights, it can’t and won’t totally fulfill me.  

I am starting to wonder if this summer going a bit off target for me actually helped me better grasp  the concept of “enjoying and living in life’s moments” that I struggled to resolve at summer’s start.   It’s forced me to stop trying to control everything to perfection and just let life play out as it should. (gulp.)  It has slowed our pace a bit, making us really pay attention to detail (try examining a head of hair strand by strand once), and to be thankful to simply spend time with those I love most wherever we may be.  

Although every moment of this summer hasn’t been the picture perfect unrealistic vision I had cast in my mind (case and point, my kids are in bed already), it has been beautiful and valuable in it’s own way.  Sometimes, you just have to drop your basket of eggs to gain perspective.