Clean House, Happy Kids.

Tonight as I scrubbed my bathroom, bright yellow gloves on hand and the trusty toilet brush at my side, I felt a sudden surge of guilt.  I could hear my kids, one room over, full of giggles and imagination and I realized I CHOSE to clean rather than play tonight.  The thing of it is, I didn’t need to clean tonight, tomorrow is cleaning day and I have plenty of time to complete my task.  But tonight dinner was finished early, the dishes didn’t take long to do, my husband was working, and the clock only read 6PM.  Still an hour in a half until bedtime.  How could that be?  

The thought crossed my mind to play a game with the kids or maybe cuddle up with them and watch a movie but instead, I chose to clean the bathroom for no other reason than  to “pass the time.”  

You may be suspecting the trajectory of this blog post.  Maybe I will pull out all the stops and go on to tell you that your kids are only little once…. Or that time goes by in a flash….. That a messy house to a certain degree, reflects a good Mama.  After all,  you only have to step into the aisles of Target to find a cute barn board sign  that says “Good Mom’s have sticky floors, messy kitchens, laundry piles, dirty ovens, and happy kids”….  But this blog post is about to take a drastic turn.  I have no regret over my choice tonight- None.  

As I began to process my “guilt” I realized I had somehow allowed an unspoken law to form in my mind that if stated  would read something like this: “If there is ever a moment a Mother doesn’t want to play with  her kids, she is broken.  In short, that Mother is failing her kids and herself.”  If you were to read it in Urban dictionary it might say “A good Mom always want to play with her kids all the time, if not, you suck.”   

True, tonight I would have rather cleaned a bathroom than play Candy Land with my kids. Does that make me a bad Mom?

 I began to think about my entire night in context.  I picked my kids up from school, talked to each of  them about their day.  I sat in the cold van when we got home with my 7 year old who wanted to “privately”  tell me about the “most terrible day ever.”  I helped with homework times three, made them all a healthy snack and then watched an episode of Power Ranger together which in turn meant I responded to every single “Woo MOM….look at that!!  Did you see that?!” for the next 30 minutes.  We then sat down and ate dinner together.  We prayed for Daddy’s night at work.  I calmly broke up about 4 dozen arguments between the three of them over the course of our meal.  I read to them for 30 minutes before bed as their heads rested on my shoulder.   I proceeded to tuck them each into bed one at a time with their own special requests for songs and such.  OH, and I almost forgot, I decided to go ahead and clean the bathroom somewhere in that mix which cancels everything else out and apparently makes me a bad Mom.   

When put into perspective, it sounds pretty absurd.  Why?  Because it is.  I am realizing how easy it is to subconsciously create unrealistic, endless, unwarranted expectations for myself as a Mom. I have also recognized I am quick to extend grace and understanding freely to my fellow Mom-friends, yet I have none for myself.  What the heck?  I call bluff, (my own bluff actually) that the perfect Mom is achievable and expected.  She does not exist and even if she did, I don’t have to be her.  

I think on my wall you may see a sign that reads something more along the lines of “Good Mom’s sometimes have clean floors, picked up kitchens, no laundry piles, sparkling ovens, and guess what?  STILL  have happy kids.”   Although I doubt I can find that one at Target. Go clean your bathroom friends (or don't), either way won't make you a bad Mom.