The Night Fear Carried My Imagination Away
Have you ever been seized with irrational, overwhelming fear? That was my reality the other night as I pulled the covers tightly up to my neck and fought the urge to get out of bed and check on my children, just one more time.
Last week we were in the middle of a deep freeze here in the North, and by deep I mean it will likely be some of the coldest days I see in my lifetime. Half of the town shut down for the week which meant my kids and I didn’t leave the house for days. To say we were driving one another a little crazy at times would be an understatement, but we were all extremely thankful in the midst of the cold to be blessed with a warm home to take shelter in. A snow day brings to the surface all sorts of creative activities, fort building being one of them.
During one of our days, after dragging every chair and blanket into our living room, my 8 and 9 year olds had made a pretty impressive fort that kept them occupied for hours. When night came, they asked if they could sleep in their creation and against my better judgement, I agreed.
As I lie awake upstairs that evening my mind began to take off and a silly fear suddenly took root. It occurred to me that I might not hear my kids if they got up or needed something and then it hit me, the thought that kept me up half the night…..
What if one of them wandered outside into the freezing cold and I didn’t hear them?.... I mean, sleepwalking is a THING, right?.....and if they wandered out into the cold, they would die in minutes - be literally frozen to death- and it would be all my fault because after all, I was the one who agreed to let them sleep in their fort!
Irrational, Unrealistic, and ridiculous but do you think I could stop those thoughts from circling around and around in my mind? No.
Fear paired with imagination is a powerful force. Reason would tell me that my kids do not have a history of sleepwalking and have never left the house in the middle of the night and even if they did, I am pretty sure that a sudden blast of -50 degrees would wake them from their slumber.
Much to my surprise, I did not get out bed that night to check on them nor did my fearful thoughts come true. As I reflected on my paranoid anxiety the next morning with a strong cup of coffee in hand, I realized once again that I can’t control every moment in my children’s life. My job as their parents is to protect them, not to smother them as a result of my own irrational fear. It’s exhausting to constantly attempt to manipulate every situation to accommodate my own comfort level.
When fear and imagination pair together and bring me to that place of sudden fear, I have to pause and check myself. What am I choosing to believe? Does it align with truth?
The enemy wants to rob me of peace and bring my heart to a level of panic. (See John 10:10) He wants to destroy me from the inside out and sometimes it begins with allowing a silly irrational thought to take hold.
On the other hand, God also wants to change me from the inside out, but in a way that brings about life abundantly. He wants me to believe truth and think about things that bring life. God wants to fill me with truth so that I can combat those incoming lies which are often subtle yet have a tendency to snowball.
“Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things” Philippians 4:8
Identifying and stopping irrational thoughts in my mind before they take hold is an ongoing process of learning truth. Once I learn truth, I then must be able to identify when it is needed and use it to stop those thoughts in their tracks. I believe, that as I practice this in my life, the presence of fear will begin to fade..... and hopefully my fearful imagination along with it as well.
Be still my soul, the Lord is on your side.
Last week we were in the middle of a deep freeze here in the North, and by deep I mean it will likely be some of the coldest days I see in my lifetime. Half of the town shut down for the week which meant my kids and I didn’t leave the house for days. To say we were driving one another a little crazy at times would be an understatement, but we were all extremely thankful in the midst of the cold to be blessed with a warm home to take shelter in. A snow day brings to the surface all sorts of creative activities, fort building being one of them.
During one of our days, after dragging every chair and blanket into our living room, my 8 and 9 year olds had made a pretty impressive fort that kept them occupied for hours. When night came, they asked if they could sleep in their creation and against my better judgement, I agreed.
As I lie awake upstairs that evening my mind began to take off and a silly fear suddenly took root. It occurred to me that I might not hear my kids if they got up or needed something and then it hit me, the thought that kept me up half the night…..
What if one of them wandered outside into the freezing cold and I didn’t hear them?.... I mean, sleepwalking is a THING, right?.....and if they wandered out into the cold, they would die in minutes - be literally frozen to death- and it would be all my fault because after all, I was the one who agreed to let them sleep in their fort!
Irrational, Unrealistic, and ridiculous but do you think I could stop those thoughts from circling around and around in my mind? No.
Fear paired with imagination is a powerful force. Reason would tell me that my kids do not have a history of sleepwalking and have never left the house in the middle of the night and even if they did, I am pretty sure that a sudden blast of -50 degrees would wake them from their slumber.
Much to my surprise, I did not get out bed that night to check on them nor did my fearful thoughts come true. As I reflected on my paranoid anxiety the next morning with a strong cup of coffee in hand, I realized once again that I can’t control every moment in my children’s life. My job as their parents is to protect them, not to smother them as a result of my own irrational fear. It’s exhausting to constantly attempt to manipulate every situation to accommodate my own comfort level.
When fear and imagination pair together and bring me to that place of sudden fear, I have to pause and check myself. What am I choosing to believe? Does it align with truth?
The enemy wants to rob me of peace and bring my heart to a level of panic. (See John 10:10) He wants to destroy me from the inside out and sometimes it begins with allowing a silly irrational thought to take hold.
On the other hand, God also wants to change me from the inside out, but in a way that brings about life abundantly. He wants me to believe truth and think about things that bring life. God wants to fill me with truth so that I can combat those incoming lies which are often subtle yet have a tendency to snowball.
“Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things” Philippians 4:8
Identifying and stopping irrational thoughts in my mind before they take hold is an ongoing process of learning truth. Once I learn truth, I then must be able to identify when it is needed and use it to stop those thoughts in their tracks. I believe, that as I practice this in my life, the presence of fear will begin to fade..... and hopefully my fearful imagination along with it as well.
Be still my soul, the Lord is on your side.
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