Generosity- From Good to Better Series

Generosity, that is this month’s topic in my blog series titled From Good to Better.  The idea behind this is to narrow in one key topic each month and put it to the test in my own life.  I was hoping that the end result would be pleasantly surprising, inspirational, and produce growth.   

Let’s just say this is my fourth attempt at finding the right words for this month’s blog post and I’ve seriously considered letting this one fall by the wayside.  To best sum it up with total honesty, being intentional about being generous this month really didn’t bring about any big eyeopening moments for me.  I completed a variety of things…..

I sent a card of encouragement to a fellow Mom with a treat inside.
I baked scones for a neighbor who had just had surgery.
I gave a gift card to a random family walking into our local arcade.
I picked up specialty bagels and delivered them to a friend with a newborn.
I agreed to give of my time and volunteer at a conference.
I took all three of my kids on individual one on one dates.
I babysat to help a friend out.  

Although moments were fun and left me with a warm fuzzy feeling, overall I would say my attitude has remained fairly unenthused throughout the whole process.  At times it felt rather forced and  just another thing to check off on my to-do list each week.  In my attempt to be “more generous” than usual this month, it seems to have created a disconnect of sorts somewhere between my actions and my heart.   My efforts left me feeling a little confused. What was missing in my attempt this month?  

This got me thinking about seasons in my life where generosity seemed to come more naturally and had become a blessing, not just another thing to do.   In our early years of marriage things were much tighter.  We counted our pennies and budgeted accordingly because we had to.  We were also attending a church with a beautiful vision and it was growing at a rapid pace.  As a result, they were raising money to build more space and asked people to commit to give a certain amount over the next handful of years.  Although we were just keeping our heads above water financially, we felt compelled to give and be a part of what God was clearly doing.  Long story short but we went out on a limb, committed to give more than we logically could, and guess what?  God showed up for us over and over again.  Not only did we have enough to write a check every year to fulfill our pledge, we had extra in our bank account.  It made no sense and we still look back at that time in our lives and simply scratch our heads.   The math doesn’t add up but I can’t even begin to explain to you what that did in terms of our faith. 

There have also been other times in our lives were an obvious need has been placed before us and we have felt compelled to provide for it.  This hasn’t always been a financial need as  generosity can also include giving of your time, talents, abilities, or by simply loving someone.   The joy on the receiving end and especially on the giving end remains some of our most cherished memories.

   

I think as good as my intentions were this month, I was missing a key component.  I was trying to come up with it all on my own.  Did I once ask God to put a need before me?  Not really.    Did I ask Him to open up my eyes to what He was already doing around me so I could join in?  Nope.  I simply put my head down, plowed forward, and created my own agenda for the month.  Was I generous?  Sure.  But did it really accomplish what I was hoping it would?  Not exactly. 

Towards the end of the month a realization came to me and I decided to ask God to provide me with an opportunity to be generous.  I have to be honest, I prayed the words with a slight cringe because I was ready to put the month behind me and mark it as a fail in my own heart.  As ready as I was to be done with this whole "intentional generosity" thing and move on, God had other plans. 

Only days later in between our latest Netflix addiction and late night snacking (both healthy habits, I know) a call from my brother came across my phone.  Long story short but an unexpected season of crisis has hit their sweet family and we have an opportunity to walk alongside of them through it.  It won’t be easy and it won’t be short, but it is an incredible opportunity to be generous with our time, love, and support.  Already, it is changing me, my family, and our hearts. It’s becoming clear that maybe October wasn’t going to be “my month” to grow in this area of generosity after all, but a launchpad to what God is beginning to do and will continue to do in this area of generosity as I look to Him first.