Fear of the Risk

As a child you don't question yourself, as a teen you begin to discover who you are, in your 20's you become confident that there is not much more to uncover, and in your 30's everything changes and life suddenly shifts blurring your perspective.  At least this has been true for me. 

I surprise myself sometimes, when predictable strays off course.  You'd think after all these years of being me there would be no surprises but every once in a while I catch myself off guard and question how many layers there are yet to uncover.

I never, in a million years, thought I would ever sell any type of direct sales.  I would have sworn up and down that it just wasn't for me.  I have avoided tupperware, pampered chef, and all of the trending parties like the plague for as long as I can remember so when I had a moment to stop and breathe last June, I was just as surprised as you were that I was indeed slingin' nails, literally, Jamberry Nails to be exact.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I signed myself up in a moment of delirioum or desperation.  I tend to labor over decisions hashing out the pros and cons (just ask my friends).  The truth is, I thought the product was fun and was 99% sure I'd have no trouble breaking even.  No harm no foul.

SO I tried it, jumped in, took the plunge, and much to my surprise,  really enjoyed the whole Jamberry biz.  Most days it was a lot of fun and fit in super well with my stay at home Mommy lifestyle.  I not only broke even but it easily paid for the twins to attend preschool and then some.  It gave me a daily connection to people over the age of 4 which most days I desperately needed (my husband will attest).  So why, a year later, after making the decision it was time to let go and move on, did I struggle with the big 'F' word?  (as in Fail.....what word were YOU thinking of?)     

I enjoyed it, and although I didn't wildly succeed nor did it become my lifelong "thing", I still TRIED something.  Risked something.....the risk of being judged, of possibly being wrong, the risk of failure.  

 My husband often tells me that I'll never know unless I try to which I usually roll my eyes and reply that I am not afraid.  The truth is, often I never venture into the risk because failure has no place there.  Avoiding risk brings about a false sense of safety, ease, predicability and comfort.  If I am not careful I can easily park there my entire life, missing out on the good because I am too focused on trying to avoid the bad, subconsciously paralyzed by fear of the unknown.  Fear of the risk.

 So although it was short but sweet, and people may still judge, slingin' nails wasn't a failure, it was a success.  It pushed me out of my comfort zone into the risk and revealed yet another layer of self I had yet to discover.